[genuine]

I know it's been quite some time since I've posted, and I apologize for that. I can't claim it's purely because of my busy schedule, though there has been that. It's been a combination of the moments of now distracting, and the experiences of life that made me, quite frankly, reluctant to post. But I felt like I needed to post once more. This is something that I feel I need to hear just as much as do some friends and acquaintances.

The dictionary defines genuine as, "free from pretense, affectation, or hypocrisy; sincere"


Now, we all know that everyone has flaws, everyone has made mistakes. I've done stupid things. You've done stupid things. That's the gospel. Through a miraculous sacrifice, we're no longer accountable for the mistakes we've made.

The Apostle Paul reminded us, young people specifically, about how we were supposed to bear ourselves, with this new, redemptive understand, when he wrote to Timothy, "set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
This verse aptly summarizes our new responsibility as children of Christ. But the question arises, "What is the example we are to set?"


I recently attended a concert where Matt Maher was playing, and in-between songs he talked about Christ's church. And the point that really struck home for me was when he said "The church isn't full of perfect people, but broken people trying to love perfectly."
The example we set is not in any accomplishment. It's the way we strive to be better and to follow Christ closer.


But here's the problem that I see. And it's one that scares me, almost more than anything else:


I see a generation that only cares about how other people see them.


And so they go about life. Sharing about Jesus, giving to the poor, being a positive influence on those around them, saying and doing (or at least claiming) all the right things in their relationships.


And the crazy thing is, they're not doing it to be fake or misleading. They do it because they'd feel bad about themselves if anyone really knew how little they cared. But they don't care, and that scares them.


But in the verse about setting an example, while part of it has to do with actions, the more important thing is the integrity, and the genuineness behind the action.


But that is being ignored. And the result of it is people artificially creating the results they desire, instead of allowing those actions being a natural outpouring from a heart that truly desires those things.


I've experienced this personally, through relationships, and even artificial pity for me concerning my mother's passing.


Now, please understand, I do not write this out of bitterness or hurt, though I do not deny there have been moments of both. But instead I write now from a perspective of extreme disappointment and concern. That concerns stems from a realization that these people can continue to ignore the gaping hole within their own heart and soul by continuing to heap onto the pile of "correct actions." The right godly counsel. The correct decision for a relationship. The humility through success. The list goes on and on.


I would rather see genuine, selfish choices made by people then in-genuine unselfish ones. Why? Because maybe, just maybe, it will make them realize where the heart truly lies, and allow God to change it.


I have met a lot of good people in the short time I've been alive. I've also met a lot of people who are trying to get it right, and say all of the right things, but their heart and their private actions contradict the appearance they put on for everyone peering in from the outside.


Quit the facade. Cut obligatory public appearances to say the appropriate things. Stop caring if you really don't.


We all have a tendency to be in-genuine. I know I do. And you'll never be able to completely get away from it. Remember, we're simply striving. Just don't make fake a life-style.



"Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life."

[four-year-old decision]

I apologize for the delay before this post. A couple speech and debate tournaments, some illness and other events have kept me rather busy. I'll try to not let that happen again.

----

When we were very little, all of the Harris boys at one point or another were asked by our mother "who do you want to marry?"

After just a short moment of consideration, the answer always came back, "You!" She would laugh, and remind us that she was married to our father, to which we would reply confidently that we were sure we could make things work.

Now, in present day, looking back, the truth in our answer almost makes me smile. At age 4, I wanted to marry my mother. At age 17, I want to marry a girl just like her.

My mother was a loving wife. Supporting my father when he was discouraged, steadying him when he was confident and serving him regardless of the outcome. She was gentle, and she was gracious.

She was a caring mother. Teaching and training the children with unwavering patience and devotion. She expected the very best from you, and did whatever it took to make sure you fulfilled those expectations. She was your toughest coach, but also your biggest cheer-leader. She had a way of gently pushing you above and beyond what you ever thought possible. She fought to make every bit of potential a reality.

She was a fierce warrior. Her desk by the kitchen was her battle-station. From that place came words of encouragement that crippled the lies of the enemy. Her letters were packed to nearly bursting with scripture. She strengthened everyone she was in contact with in the form of letters, emails, phone calls, and (though later on in life, and with much explaining from the children) text messages.

She did all that while not forgetting to share the same with her own household. The kitchen was a place of refuge, the heart of the home. There you would find encouragement, counsel, kind words, gentle rebukes, and laughter.

She was a persistent friend. Always pushing her friends to be accountable, and to be faithful. If you knew Sono Sato Harris, you simply couldn't help but be affected by her. She wouldn't have it any other way. She'd track you down, to the farthest corners of the earth and make herself a part of your life, in the most loving and gentle way. She was always there with sound counseling. I don't think I ever saw her have a phone conversation shorter than 45 minutes. Her friends looked to her for trusted advice and a godly example. She never let them down.

She was a loyal follower of Christ. She never hesitated to sacrifice herself for the advancement of the gospel. She viewed her best life to be the one where she faithfully served besides her husband to further her Savior's kingdom. She reveled in God's word, her bible always close at hand. Her proudest accomplishment with her children was not their earthly gains or their standing, but to know that they were walking with the Lord. She longed for Heaven, and the relationship she could have with God there. She had one of her favorite books on heaven sticky-noted so thoroughly that you could hardly see the book itself.

The world may look at the life of Sono Sato Harris and see a wasted life. A talented ballerina, a strong, talented leader, a gifted and personal speaker. But I see her accomplishing far more through the path she chose. Through her devotion, encouragement and drive, she has changed the world. They say that behind every great man is a great woman. My mother was behind 6 men and 1 daughter. She was the heart of our home.

The woman I wish to marry is one just like my mom. It is a very high standard. I don't deserve a wife like my mother, but I know I need one, and I know that she will make me stronger and better.

Who knew that my decision back when I was only 4 years old would be the right one?

Proverbs 31:30 "Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

[excluded relationships]

This was modified from a speech format, so some of the wording may appear slightly off.

I don't know if you've noticed, but the Christian community leads pretty complacent lives. Our rules are set, our methods are clear. We have it all figured out, right?

When you look beyond the façade, you find a problem in our culture that is damaging and destroying teenager’s lives. It is one that I have personally experienced. It is the danger that Christian relationships are posing for our teens.

Before we take a closer look at the issue, you have to understand one thing about me, and that is, I am a sucker for love. Even when I would watch a movie as a kid, and the couple kissed, outwardly I would groan (because I’m a little boy and I’m practically required to do so) but inwardly I would be loving it! I’m what you call a hopeless romantic. I’m quite literally in love with love. And while this characteristic does have its upsides, it was a large part of my message today.

Just a little under 2 years ago, I met a girl, a really incredible young lady. She’s the type of person who’s always encouraging, always supportive, always caring, and over all just one of the most incredible young women you ever will meet.

Sparks flew, and over the next year we spent a large amount of time getting to know each other. Very quickly, we formed a really strong emotional attachment, and as time progressed our wise parents saw it fit to end the relationship. But the emotional connection that we had, made it extremely difficult to move on, and a lot of heartache and pain resulted because of that.

As I look back at the last couple of years, obviously I learned a great deal from this experience, but I think one of the most important lessons I learned was that our Christian teen relationships aren’t doing us a whole lot of good.

What I’ve seen through my experience, and through the experiences of those around me, is that the young Christian relationships are often more damaging then the relationships of our non-Christian counterparts.

Why? Because these Christian teen relationships, while usually physically pure, are emotionally dangerous.

In my brother Josh’s books on relationships, one of the main lessons that is taught is that relationships are serious things. They shouldn’t be recreational they should have a purpose. Fortunately, most young Christian teens get this principle. What they don’t understand is that proper timing has to go hand-in-hand with a serious relationship.

Because of this ignored principle we find ourselves in a Christian culture where young Christian teenagers are in heavily emotional relationship before they’re mature enough to handle one.

Sadly, I’ve seen this damage and ruin dozens of young relationships. Relationships that, had they been cultivated at the right time, may very well have turned out far better.

Is it possible that these Christian teenage relationships are actually more destructive? Could it be that those casual, noncommittal relationships that we so easily look down upon aren’t as damaging as the ones that we allow within the Christian community?

Something needs to change. Relationships and lives cannot continue to be ruined because young people aren’t willing to wait for the right time.

But here's the catch. What I’ve discovered is that most young people don’t even realize they’re in a relationship until it’s too late. "We're just friends. It's not like that." These phrases and dozens more are used as excuses to trick everyone, including themselves, into believing there isn't something going on.

Having been in the same situation I hope I can do all that is possible to keep other young people from making the same mistakes. So I have questions. Questions that need to be posed and answered honestly. You have nothing to gain by deceiving yourself.

Question number one: Is the teen ready for marriage? This may seem like an odd question, but it’s really not. If a young person truly believes in a serious, purposeful relationship then they shouldn’t want anything to do with a relationship until they’re ready for a serious commitment.

Question number two: Is the teen in a relationship? This is perhaps the most delicate of all the questions. I know this because I offered every rationalization and reason to convince myself that I wasn’t in a relationship. Don’t attempt to fool yourself. It won’t help anything.

Push aside all of the rationalizations and excuses offered and ask the question, is the teen in a relationship with another person, in which they view each other as anything more than normal friends? An honest answer, no matter how hard it is, will be far less painful then the pain you will have to endure if you close your eyes and continue down this destructive path blindly.

Question number three: Is this relationship distracting from them investing time in their school, in their friendships, and with God? To answer this, ask yourself these questions: Do they think and dream about that special someone more than they invest in their education? Do they sacrifice spending quality time with dear friends in order to call that person, or IM them online? And most importantly, is their mind more occupied with that person than it’s occupied in prayer to God, and in time delving into his Word? This is a frightening realization. It was for me. Has God been replaced as the first love in our teen’s lives? Their friends, their education, have they taken second place to this relationship?

A relationship is constructive, or destructive. There is no middle ground.

Fourth and final question: Are you going to take this message to heart? Will you allow these questions to change your life-style? The reason that I ask is that every rationalization, and every trick you can play on your mind I’ve already used. We so easily convince ourselves that there isn’t a problem, or that we’ll fix it at a better time. Don’t lie to yourself. Fix things before it’s too late.

Now, please understand, I’m not writing about a magic cure, or a three-step action plan to fix all teen relationships. The way each person deals with this problem will be different from the last. But I trust that, if you answer these questions honestly, the decisions that must be made will become crystal clear.

So back to my story. What is the ending? I don’t know. It continues to be written. And while I can hope and pray that things turn out the way that I want them to, it’s all in God’s hands. Every day, I struggle with the consequences of a premature, emotional relationship. I do not stand before you today as someone who has it all figured out, but rather, as someone who serves as a warning to those like me.

We have an epidemic before us. I do not use that word lightly. Will it be stopped? That will be decided by each individual decision. All I know is that God has been gracious to allow me to use my story to speak into other's lives. And with God’s blessing, perhaps it can impact an entire generation.